Overcome Anger: Give Grace and Forgive

Have you ever been angry? Have you ever felt hitting something or hurting someone? Even as Christians, we are not immune to anger. A lot of times, we burst into “intense emotional state” whenever we see injustice and corruption in our society. In our own household alone, there were times anger is felt by one or two members of our family.

What is anger? Ephesians 4:26 shows us that it is possible to “be angry, yet do not sin.” It is evident from this passage that there are two kinds of anger. The first is righteous anger which does not lead to sin. Righteous anger is being angry and unhappy when sin is present. In the Old Testament, God was often angry at the Israelites because they kept committing sin. We should feel the same righteous anger about our sins. In 1Samuel 17:43-47, David was angry at Goliath for defying and mocking God. Righteous anger is anger that leads us to hate sin and do something about it.  The second kind of anger is the anger of man which leads us to sin. As James, 1:20 says, “The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” This kind of anger leads us to hurt other people, often the people we love. To prevent ourselves from hurting others in our anger, Ephesians 4:26 tells us, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” When we are angry at someone, we should tell him: “You know I love you,” “You are not the enemy,” “Let’s settle this” and “Let’s agree to disagree”. With these words, we can control our temper and avoid the destruction of relationships that surely results from our anger.

How do we overcome anger? As Christians, we are to be radically different – we are to overcome anger. It is impossible to do this on our own, without God’s grace. The book of Ephesians shows us three God-given ways to do it:

1. Guard Your Tongue. When we are angry, we must not speak. Ephesians 4:29 commands, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification…” We must stop saying unpleasant words and start speaking only words that build up people.  We must process every situation that induces our anger. We should not judge other people’s motives nor jump into conclusions but choose to believe the best about everyone. We need to guard our hearts from anger because whatever is in our hearts comes out through our words. For every word we speak, we will be accountable on Judgment Day (Matthew 12:34).
2. Grieve Not the Holy Spirit. When we received Jesus, God gave us the Holy Spirit to empower us to do what is right. As true Christians, we cannot stay angry and stay in sin because the Holy Spirit is in our hearts (Romans 8:9). Ephesians 4:30 tells us, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit…” When we get angry and allow sin in our lives, we grieve the Holy Spirit. To overcome anger, we must listen to the Holy Spirit and surrender every bitterness, wrath, clamor, slander and malice (Ephesians 4:31) to our big God who causes everything to work together for good.
3. Give Grace. Forgive. To overcome anger, Ephesians 4:32 tells us to “be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” When we forgive, we give grace to somebody who does not deserve it. How and why do we forgive? Let us look at our sins and realize that God has forgiven us all. Jesus taught us to forgive other people “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22). The mark of a true Christian is forgiveness. We must forgive as God has forgiven us. Do not forget that we were once a sinner, and even now, we still hurt and disappoint our Lord Jesus. Suppose right now, your eyes met the Lord’s. What would you see? Compassion and tenderness, yes. But suppose if, in a thoughtless moment of self-centered sin, you slapped the Lord? In that instant, what would you read in His eyes? This once actually happened. Peter angrily denied Jesus. At that instant, Scripture says the Lord looked straight at Peter. It’s impossible to say what was in the Lord’s eyes. I choose to believe that He gave a look of hurt and disappointment, a sad yet tender expression in His eyes.  Jesus always loves. That’s why it’s safe to say that the Lord was probably more concerned for Peter’s pain and anguish than He was for His own plight. Like Peter, who wept bitterly, that fact alone should make us grieve all the more over our sins and offenses.

Now that you know and understand the three God-given ways to overcome anger, apply these steps and be victorious over anger.